Recently, I read Austin Channing Brown’s piece, “Dear Nice White People.” Brown is a writer and speaker who discusses racial justice. She observes that white people often ask her “How can I overcome my fear of speaking up?” She outlines the real fears that white people have – fear of ostracization, retribution for their advocacy and of broken relationships – but doesn’t let anyone off the hook from doing the work of dismantling systemic racism.
These aren’t abstract fears. We’ve seen how other white people who are willing to address white supremacy culture are criticized, and how people of color who speak up are demonized. Brown identifies “niceness” as part of the problem. This reminded me of lyrics from Stephen Sondheim’s “Into the Woods”: “Nice is different than good.” It’s easy to be nice – to phrase things politely and avoid conflict. It’s much harder to be good – to hold one another accountable and to live toward Beloved Community. Brown describes niceness as “a desire to believe you are good, even as you uphold a system that oppresses.” Niceness might not be negative in and of itself, but when niceness is substituted for real relationship, compassion, courage and accountability, it ceases to have any virtue and instead becomes a weapon for preserving a harmful status quo.
As we prepare to consider the 8th principle in our congregation, I ask us to consider what we are afraid of. What fears keep us from full solidarity with one another and the planet we share? What fears keep us from building Beloved Community? Where can we draw courage to take the risks that are necessary to evolve?
I know that I shy away from conflict, but that I can stand more firmly when I am grounded in my own values. I’m more willing to take risks and work through my mistakes when I’m in a community that supports me in that work – where mistakes are expected, but I’m also expected to learn from them, repair harm and do better. And I know that I grow in my ability to approach difficult subjects with courage when I can see others modeling their own courage. Let’s ground ourselves in our shared values, break through the silence of being just nice and instead practice being courageous together.
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